Chapter 43:

 

DRUNK AND DRUNKER

 

This is probably THE chapter you don’t want your parents to see. Or maybe you ARE a parent, and don’t want your kids to see!

 

As I mentioned elsewhere on this site, I’m personally not a big drinker, and certainly not a fan of drunk assholes. But hey, an occasional bender can make for some very, ahem, special memories. Or at least hilarious ones, in retrospect. Which is what this website is all about. Hey, we’re talking about our college glory days here!

 

Let me tell you about the challenge of compiling this chapter. My original intention was to break it down into “21st Birthday Stories,” “Vomit Stories,” “Worst Alcohol I Ever Drank at UD Stories,” and so on. However, in soliciting Blue Hens for their best tales of drinkie-drinks, it was almost impossible to find yarns that didn’t incorporate more than one (if not all) of those elements…and then some. Therefore, I simply said, “Fuck it.” And here you go.

 

Personally, I did indeed celebrate my 21st at UD, during the Summer of '94. A lot of my friends happened to be hanging in Newark over that summer, so I headed down there for the weekend; we hit the Down Under, and then the Deer Park…the Balloon was shut during the summer. Drank some beer, did maybe four or five shots, that was about it…but a considerable amount for me. Shots I remember at the Deer Park were a Brain Hemorrhage, and then when I asked my friend Pete to “Get me something easy,” he came back with cherry brandy. Which might as well have been lighter fluid. I ended up back at our Mill apartment on Cleveland, and went to bed. No puke, no hangover, no problems. So, my 21st wasn’t my most memorable drinking night at UD. The clear winner…

 

Mad Dog and No Glory

 

I can barely remember the circumstances that culminated with our ill decision to obtain six bottles of the monstrosity that is Mad Dog 20 / 20. This was one devastating night in 1993…maybe it was 1994. To assist me with telling this tale, with me is my UD roommate, AB, UD '95.

 

AB: There were probably four or five of us that night, and for some seriously dumb-fuck reason, we decided Mad Dog was the way to go. I think we opted for Antifreeze Blue.

 

Digger: Actually, it was Grape Wine flavor.

 

AB: Mad Dog does not have flavors, so much as unnatural colors. We drank quick to kill the taste buds, and I know personally that I ended up downing at least one-point-five bottles. Dig, can't remember how many you ended up putting down, but I think it was one plus.

 

Digger: I think I was only able to tolerate one, and stopped there. I almost felt a sense of accomplishment, in finishing that one single bottle.

 

AB: I know our other friend put down two full bottles. Also if I recall correctly, a bottle of Mad Dog is roughly equivalent to a gallon of Moonshine and a metric ton of Columbian blow. We ended up at an ice hockey game that night. UD vs. Penn State, I believe, and we were retarded / stupid / ignorant / smelly drunk, all of us. The game was a haze, but definitely a good time, and we rooted hard for our mate Brian on the team. As much as athletes can usually tune out the fans, I think Brian was genuinely amused that the lot of us were there and completely out of our gourds.

 

Post game, we headed to our friends’ Towers party, and it got somewhat weird at that point. Our one friend (who killed the two bottles) went a bit berserk and pissed on every surface in the bathroom, and I think I might have used the sink and tub myself.  It was that kind of drunk where the absolute stupidest thing you can even conjure in your mind becomes hilarious and necessary, “How about we shit in the microwave, that'd be AWESOME.” At least until tomorrow.

 

Digger: Well, we didn’t really end up dumping in the microwave…at least, I don’t think anyone did.

 

AB: It was a night where I should have puked, but didn’t, although I do think my girlfriend yorked on me later in bed…not during anything fun, just in bed. I know she spewed against the block wall in our room and it dripped down to the floor. That was sweet. And I'm pretty sure my shit was an unnatural purple. Regardless, the head and intestines weren't right for a while.

 

Digger: Yeah, Dr. Chemistry AB explained to me that the concentrated sulfites in Mad Dog might have an effect on our poop. They certainly did. But I didn’t crap purple the next day as he says he did…mine was just like, jet black.

 

AB: I must say though, that Mad Dog is not the drink I can't do anymore. Tequila is that drink for me. Can't even smell it, look at it, know it's in the room. I loathe it with every cell in my body. I puked it back up so many times during college, I can actually remember the taste of it coming back up every time I even think of it.

 

Digger: Even though I didn’t barf it up, Mad Dog 20 / 20 wins my vote.

 

 

Final-ly 21!

 

“Hmmmm, the big 2-1. Mine was on May 21st, 2001. Yeah, that would be the Monday of finals week! It started out on Monday night at Kate's…even though I had two finals Tuesday morning. But hey, I was the birthday girl, so no excuses. Of course, since my friends had finals on different days, I went out with whoever didn’t have to wake up early the next morning.

 

So, Monday night, went out with two of my roommates to Kate's and the Brickyard. Tuesday night, more people were able to go out, so went to the Balloon and Deer Park. Wednesday night, back to Kate’s with other friends. Thursday night, enjoyed my first Balloon Mug Night! Friday night who knows, but I used my birthday as an excuse to get shots every day that week. So, the 21 shots for the 21st b-day went more like 100 shots for my 21st b-day week. Needless to say, I have no recollection of taking any finals that week…I have no idea how I was later able to graduate. See that, drinks are good for the brain! Go UD!”

 

- Suss, UD '02

 

Totally Unacceptable

 

“Playing Asshole was good, but I was pretty serious with Beer Pong. I would get quite upset when I would go to a party and there was no Beer Pong. What, was I supposed to just sit around and drink socially or something?”

 

- Jen C, UD '02

 

What happened?

 

“In my crew, the 21st birthday rule was you start at the Deer Park...and do not leave until they throw you out. This usually happened after you vomit in the trashcan a few times. And of course, you were always attempting to do the 21 shots on your 21st deal. Then on to Kate's! Where many incriminating pictures would be taken, which prompted you to later ask, 'When did we go to Kate’s?'”

 

- Missy E, UD '03

 

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