Chapter 42:

 

YOU KNOW, IT'S A.S.H.A.M.E.

 

Assorted Student Hijinks, Antics, and Moments of Embarrassment. Wow, what an acronym! I’m one (almost) clever m’er f’er.

 

Pranks. Bike Accidents. Walks of Shame. Plenty of ‘em throughout this site, tied to specific chapters or subjects, but I ended up with so many great leftovers, it would’ve been a crime to leave them on the cutting room floor. Thusly, this chapter. Some of these are alcohol related, some aren’t; truly inebriated antics are included in our next chapter. On with it…

 

 

Take a Seat: Fat Apartment

 

“In Spring of 2001, a few of my friends lived in the old Fatty Patty’s apartment, in the back and on the second and third floors. It has since been torn down, but if anyone remembers it, it was the shittiest, nastiest place you could ever set foot in at UD…but great parties there, and it was excellent because you could go out the window and chill up on the roof of the Wilmington Trust Bank.

 

Anyway, one night very late, me and some of my fellow cohorts broke in their apartment and set up an operation where we passed all of their furniture -- couches, tables, Beer Pong table, chairs, and anything else we could get our hands on -- out the window and off the roof of Wilmington Trust. We carried it all across Main Street, and set up a perfect re-creation of their living room on the lawn of the School District building across the street.

 

Guys in the fraternity I was pledging lived there at the time, so it was pretty daring to break in and do this to the brothers. At one point, we were lowering a huge couch out the window, when one of the brothers woke up and ran out of the apartment with only his shorts on, and chased us down Main Street. We all stopped down by Academy, and watched his reaction as he realized all the shit we took out of his place was set up across the street. It was classic. Fatty Patty's R.I.P.!”

 

- Dave “X”, UD '04

 

Method Acting

 

"The worst walk of shame I ever made was from Pencader to Russell. I was wearing a long flowing skirt, my hair was a wreck, and I was bare foot (didn't want to walk across campus in uncomfortable shoes). It was April, so the daffodils were blooming; I put a few flowers in my hair and pretended I was a 'free spirit' just going for a stroll on a Sunday morning. Needless to say, I never slept in Pencader again."

 

- Anonymous, UD '08

 

She was Tired

 

“One morning I was riding in the bike lane on South College, on my way to one of the mighty lecture rooms in Smith Hall. Just before the intersection of South College and Delaware Ave, some girl decided to cross the street without looking. So this girl basically walks in front of my mountain bike (I was probably cruising about 10 to 12 mph) and I had literally no time to react, so I ended up hitting her with my bike. Then she fell down on the pavement and I subsequently rode right over her. All of this happened in like 1.5 seconds, and she was actually fine with the exception of tire marks on her pretty yellow blouse. At least she acknowledged that it was her fault and there were no hard feelings.”

 

- Edward P, UD '93

 

Boobs, Butts & Beyond: Who needs pants?

 

“I went through an extended nudity phase in my tenure at Delaware. I would be drunk and decide to walk home with no pants on from a bar (usually the Balloon). I was once pants-less while talking to a cop, and just stood there with my head in the cop car in the middle of Main Street like nothing had happened. I guess it wasn’t always total nudity; if I had been underwear-less as well, I probably would have been arrested.”

 

- Jen, UD '06

 

Totally Trashed

 

“My fraternity always did our bar crawl on bikes. We'd start at Crab Trap, bike to Bennigan’s, then head up Main Street, hitting every bar (13 bars total). Every year people got drunk and fell, but the best fall happened right in front of the Balloon. My buddy was riding past the long line, and swerved to avoid a cop and ran straight into one of the big metal trashcans on Main Street. He flipped over his handlebars and skidded along the ground for a few feet. He quickly got up and pedaled onto the next bar before the officer could respond.”

 

- Rob S, UD '03

 

Boobs, Butts & Beyond: Carefully Positioned

 

“Well, sophomore year we lived in the Towers, and we would often get very creative especially when we were supposed to study! One Sunday night when I was supposed to be studying for my Biology of Human Sexuality test the next day, my roommate and I decided to prank our other roommate, who went to visit her boyfriend for the day.

 

So, we took my Biology of Human Sexuality textbook, and made photocopies of all the pictures that were in the chapter explaining all the different positions that were available to all of us. We cut out faces of all these different famous people from our magazines, and went on to paste them over the faces of the people in the pictures. (Yes, we were bored!) Then we carefully placed probably over twenty photocopies all over our roommate’s things. We wrapped her deodorant, hid one under the pillow, hid them in all her drawers...but I think the best one was the one we put into her notebook for class the next day. So when she opened it up in class there was Leo and Kate Winslet doing the missionary position. We could not even keep a straight face when she walked in later that night. IT WAS GREAT! I think it took her a good two to three days to find them all.

 

So, I probably didn't so well on the test I was supposed to study for, but I had a blast pranking my roommate. It also started a yearlong pranking extravaganza...every time one of us left for the weekend, we always expected something when we got back. Oh college...how I miss you!”

 

- Stacy H, UD '01

 

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